Hidden lusts will break the gates and swarm

I'm not dead


yet

What a fucking long week.

I know I haven't posted in awhile but I need to get this off my chest.

I like being in communication with Caleb's family on Facebook but it has gotten far beyond annoying lately and I'm considering removing them all. It all started with when I went shooting a few months ago with my new .22 sig sauer pistol. Turns out that I didn't have my jacket zipped up all the way and when the casing was ejected it went right down my cleavage and burned me pretty good. So after grabbing it out as quickly as I could, we resumed shooting and then left for home.

When I got home I updated with my status with something along the lines of that I had found a new talent: catching smoldering .22 casings in my cleavage. Most of my friends thought this was funny (which is what I was aiming for) but Caleb's cousin decided to say "Well there's one reason if you can't think of anything else why you should cover up better than you do." Excuse me? First of all.. since when is it any of your business or right to tell me how to dress? I understand I set myself up for this comment but she went on to talk about how she grew up in this giant loving family whereas I grew up only raised by a single mother.

I wanted to punch her in the mouth. But.. after talking to Caleb's mom about it she insisted she was jealous so I let it go and just decided not to speak with her. Recently about 2 weeks back, I found a lump in my right breast. Worried and wanting the support of my friends and people who have me on Facebook, I updated my status with something along the lines of "found a lump in my right breast, i hope it's nothing." and when I went to go check the FB later that night after class.. I see some new comments. Most of them were the support I was seeking and helped calm me down. A few said they would pray for me and some other asked me to keep them updated. Caleb's cousin, however, had sent me a private message.

Oh how I wish I didn't delete it.. but I did. It said, "I thought we had this little conversation already about the mention of your breasts. It's not that I don't care but I don't think you should disclose that personal of information on your Facebook page. Don't bother to tell my aunt vicky about this or ask if i don't like you or am mad at you, just take it as constructive criticism and change accordingly."

What
WHAT

I'm sitting here anxious and worried because of all the cancer history in my family and you're upset because I say the word BREAST on my Facebook? Seeing as it's MY PAGE with MY FRIENDS being the only people who see it, it's under MY JURISDICTION what I want them to see. I feel sorry for you that your life is so sad and that you are so immature that you have to troll the internet and be Facebook police telling people who are scared of having breast cancer not to post their concern. Fuck you! I'd expect this kind of behavior from a teenager but you're fucking 40 years old so you need to grow the fuck up. Just because you're a fucking failure of a human being living alone with cats stuck teaching snot nosed 3rd grade brats because you can't pass your BAR exam to become a lawyer doesn't mean you need to go around fucking everyone else up making them feel miserable.

Turns out last night that after caleb took a pic of all his guns together and posted them on his facebook, his cousin again made a comment about what not to post and proceeded to TELL HIS MOM. She TATTLED on him because of something she didn't approve. So its ok for her to tell on caleb about his personal choice for his personal page but isn't ok for me to speak with anyone about how she's being a harassing, raging bitch?

Grow. The fuck. Up.

HE FINISHED MY COMMISSION I LOVE IIIITTTTT

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RUNS OFF GIGGLING

Taken from Emi

➜ Bold the ones that are true.
➜ Italicize the ones that are sort of true.

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If you have any recommendations, please let me know!

As promised. What do ya guys think?! :)

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My nose pierced today.


...Yep.

I thought Iron Man was going to be my favorite movie of the year.. boy howdy was I wrong.

( My thoughts.. spoilers included! )

heeehee.. I get chills just thinking about the movie again. I'd definitely go see it again.. and definitely want to own it when it's out on DvD. That hour and 30 min wait in line was well worth it, even though these blonde bitches bought their tickets as soon as we were all being let in and cut infront of most of us. Caleb was so angry he said "Hey!" and got their attention.. and then proceeded to call them a bunch of faggots for what they did. It definitely was a dick move. But anyways.. the movie made me forget about that stuff.

Weird how a kid's movie can cause so much emotion..

( Cut for longness.. I guess )

Sorry but I had to get that out. I feel really terrible.

...So far, things are optimistic as far as getting the cancer out.

They said that she had had a mass in her left breast for a couple of years but it has been benign until now. I sit here wondering why they would let her keep the tumor in her body for all of that time but what I'm concerned about is the now.. I can't do anything about the 2 years of not doing anything.

Assuming that it turned malignant recently then I don't think that it has had time to spread. If it hasn't spread at all, that would be grand.

Either way, my grandma is going to have a double mastectomy to get rid of both breasts to lessen her chances of it spreading or coming back. I hope they can get it out and keep it out.

Finally got internet at the new place so that's some good news..

but the bad news is I just found out the other day that my grandma has breast cancer. I'm hoping that it's an early stage and can be removed easily. If not... well... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

..So before I left LA, I decided to get the stretcher things for my ears. I went ahead and got 14s 16s and 12s so I won't have to o back there for awhile. The 14ss went in easy sauce so I'll probably move a size tomorrow and then see how that goes. They're not gonna be GIGANTIC but they'll be a good size.

I'll be in my new apartment soon!
Wee! i'm excited.

I'm so ready for all this shit to be over... I want to be in my new apartment already! Well.. Caleb got to graduate with his BA in Psychology on the 24th so that was really nice to be there. I was so happy for him and proud of him. I don't know if I've explained the situation at my house but I think I will now because I really need to vent.

Now that I look back, I did briefly discuss who we were kicking out and why, but now I'm going to vent about further things said person has done to really piss me off. Basically he was in charge of paying all the utilities and stuff and didn't. A month after I moved in, we changed the system so he wouldn't be in charge because we kept getting all these late notices and shut-off threats. He got really angry at this. So much that he was crying. Why? Because he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Anyway, we all decided that because of this, he was going to be kicked out. When we first found the bills there were only 2 of them. We brought it up with him and said, "Now.. if there are any more please tell us so that we can prepare and know what's going on."

He replied, "No, there shouldn't be any more. We asked him to check and he said he would but he didn't. We then said that if he's telling us there isn't but we find out that there is, we'd move the date. We found three more bills hidden from us is all of the shit from his room. He tried to hide the bills so that we wouldn't move the date. We ended up saying he had to move out the 7th. Mind you, this wouldn't be as bad (i guess) if he was just screwing over himself but actually the electricity was on his "best friend" Cameron's credit. We gave him until the 7th to move out.. it is now the 28th when we're trying to get all of our shit out and everything painted over and the carpet cleaned and he still has HEAPS OF SHIT HERE. It is SO fucking frustrating that he put on this fake show of "Aww if you guys need anything at all.. any of my help just let me know" but he hasn't lifted one fucking finger to help out with the house when he's the one that has made most of the mess.

I hate so fake and deceiving he is. He's promised the past couple of weeks that he would be here to finish up yet he keeps lying to us over, and over, and over. Yesterday I just had to vent (physically) so I found a book he gave me for Christmas, symbolised it as what little of friendship we had and I burned it. After that, I took the piece of shit shelf he left for me as a gift because he was too lazy to haul it away, and I got a metal pole type thing and I just destroyed it. I'm so fucking done with all of this.. I think the last time I was this upset was at my Uncles. I want to be gone already.. I want it to be over. I want to never ever see his ugly fat scene kid face again. He's fucking 24 and he's moving back in with his parents and THEY THINK that we're the meanie heads and he just has to move because we're causing oh so much drama! So not only has he done all this shit to us, but he's convinced himself that HE is the VICTIM!

I have not met someone so dumb, fake, smelly, absent-minded, and selfish as him. I try not to hate people.. I really do. But I can say that from the depths of my heart I HATE HIM. And on top of all this, we have to still find 2 more room mates for our apartment by July or we're going to be paying $566 a month instead of $340. AAAGH.

Running out of options

running out of time

Oh my God, I approve

go there. nao.

Please do not stand by my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint in the snow.

I am the sunlight in the ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush...of quiet birds in circle flight.

I am the soft starshine at night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry...

I am not there. I did not die.

Author Unknown

From "Just a breath away"

My Personality

Neuroticism	69
Extraversion	15
Openness to Experience	19
Agreeableness	53
Conscientiousness	22

You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you, however you are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report. The best Buying Pet Gifts.

Yeah so we're kicking a house mate out and he has to leave by the end of may. End of May isn't soon enough for me but I guess I don't have much of a sense of giving mercy.. especially when none has been given to me in carrying out the responsibility of paying the bills he was supposed to be paying. I mean.. where the fuck did our money go? That's what I want to know.

Ugh I'm so angry