Hidden lusts will break the gates and swarm

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 06:30:17 GMT

I'm not dead

yet

Lol!

Wed, 29 Jul 2009 11:31:37 GMT

.....

Wed, 27 May 2009 18:53:27 GMT

What a fucking long week.

ughh!!

Wed, 29 Apr 2009 23:13:50 GMT

I know I haven't posted in awhile but I need to get this off my chest.

I like being in communication with Caleb's family on Facebook but it has gotten far beyond annoying lately and I'm considering removing them all. It all started with when I went shooting a few months ago with my new .22 sig sauer pistol. Turns out that I didn't have my jacket zipped up all the way and when the casing was ejected it went right down my cleavage and burned me pretty good. So after grabbing it out as quickly as I could, we resumed shooting and then left for home.

When I got home I updated with my status with something along the lines of that I had found a new talent: catching smoldering .22 casings in my cleavage. Most of my friends thought this was funny (which is what I was aiming for) but Caleb's cousin decided to say "Well there's one reason if you can't think of anything else why you should cover up better than you do." Excuse me? First of all.. since when is it any of your business or right to tell me how to dress? I understand I set myself up for this comment but she went on to talk about how she grew up in this giant loving family whereas I grew up only raised by a single mother.

I wanted to punch her in the mouth. But.. after talking to Caleb's mom about it she insisted she was jealous so I let it go and just decided not to speak with her. Recently about 2 weeks back, I found a lump in my right breast. Worried and wanting the support of my friends and people who have me on Facebook, I updated my status with something along the lines of "found a lump in my right breast, i hope it's nothing." and when I went to go check the FB later that night after class.. I see some new comments. Most of them were the support I was seeking and helped calm me down. A few said they would pray for me and some other asked me to keep them updated. Caleb's cousin, however, had sent me a private message.

Oh how I wish I didn't delete it.. but I did. It said, "I thought we had this little conversation already about the mention of your breasts. It's not that I don't care but I don't think you should disclose that personal of information on your Facebook page. Don't bother to tell my aunt vicky about this or ask if i don't like you or am mad at you, just take it as constructive criticism and change accordingly."

What
WHAT

I'm sitting here anxious and worried because of all the cancer history in my family and you're upset because I say the word BREAST on my Facebook? Seeing as it's MY PAGE with MY FRIENDS being the only people who see it, it's under MY JURISDICTION what I want them to see. I feel sorry for you that your life is so sad and that you are so immature that you have to troll the internet and be Facebook police telling people who are scared of having breast cancer not to post their concern. Fuck you! I'd expect this kind of behavior from a teenager but you're fucking 40 years old so you need to grow the fuck up. Just because you're a fucking failure of a human being living alone with cats stuck teaching snot nosed 3rd grade brats because you can't pass your BAR exam to become a lawyer doesn't mean you need to go around fucking everyone else up making them feel miserable.

Turns out last night that after caleb took a pic of all his guns together and posted them on his facebook, his cousin again made a comment about what not to post and proceeded to TELL HIS MOM. She TATTLED on him because of something she didn't approve. So its ok for her to tell on caleb about his personal choice for his personal page but isn't ok for me to speak with anyone about how she's being a harassing, raging bitch?

Grow. The fuck. Up.

omgomgomgomgomg

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 18:30:11 GMT

HE FINISHED MY COMMISSION I LOVE IIIITTTTT

RUNS OFF GIGGLING

Another survey meme thing...

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 10:01:57 GMT

Taken from Emi

➜ Bold the ones that are true.
➜ Italicize the ones that are sort of true.

general
ღ I am 5'4 or shorter.
ღ I think I'm ugly.
ღ I have many scars.
ღ I tan easily.
ღ I wish my hair was a different color.
ღ I have friends who have never seen my natural hair color.
ღ I have a tattoo.
ღ I am self-conscious about my appearance.
ღ I have/had braces.
ღ I wear glasses.
ღ I'd get plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free, scar-free.
ღ I've been told I'm attractive by a complete stranger.
ღ I have had more than two piercings.
ღ I have had piercings in places besides my ears.
ღ I have freckles.

family/home life
ღ I've sworn at my parents.
ღ I've run away from home.
ღ I've been kicked out of the house.
ღ My biological parents are together.
ღ I have a sibling less than one year old.
ღ I want to have kids someday.
ღ I have children.
ღ I've lost a child.

embarrassment
ღ I've slipped out a "lol" in a spoken conversation.
ღ Disney movies still make me cry.
ღ I've snorted while laughing.
ღ I've laughed so hard I've cried.
ღ I've glued my hand to something.
ღ I've laughed till some kind of beverage came out of my nose.
ღ I've had my trousers rip in public.

health
ღ I've had stitches.
ღ I've broken a bone.
ღ I've had my tonsils removed.
ღ I've sat in a doctor's office with a friend.
ღ I've had my wisdom teeth removed.
ღ I've had serious surgery.
ღ I've had chicken pox.

traveling
ღ I've driven over 200 miles (1000km) in one day.
ღ I've been on a plane.
ღ I've been to North America.
ღ I've been to Niagara Falls.
ღ I've been to Japan.
ღ I've been to Europe.
ღ I've been to Africa.

experiences
ღ I've been lost in my city.
ღ I've seen a shooting star.
ღ I've wished on a shooting star.
ღ I've seen a meteor shower.
ღ I've gone out in public in my pajamas.
ღ I've pushed all the buttons in a lift.
ღ I've been to a casino.
ღ I've been skydiving.
ღ I've gone skinny dipping.
ღ I've played spin the bottle.
ღ I've crashed a car.
ღ I've been skiing.
ღ I've been in a play.
ღ I've met someone in person from the internet.
ღ I've caught a snowflake on my tongue.
ღ I've seen the northern lights.
ღ I've sat on a roof top at night.
ღ I've played chicken.
ღ I've seen the RHPS.
ღ I've eaten sushi.
ღ I've been snowboarding.

relationships
ღ I'm single.
ღ I'm in a relationship.
ღ I'm available.
ღ I'm engaged.
ღ I'm married.
ღ I've gone on a blind date.
ღ I've been the dumpee more than the dumper.
ღ I have a fear of abandonment.
ღ I've been divorced.
ღ I've had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
ღ I've told someone I loved them when I didn't.
ღ I've told someone I didn't love them when I did.
ღ I've kept something from a past relationship.

sexuality
ღ I've had a crush on someone of the same gender.
ღ I've kissed a member of the same gender.
ღ I've had sex with someone of the opposite gender.
ღ I've had sex with someone of the same gender.
ღ I've had sex with more than one person at the same time.
ღ I am a cuddler.
ღ I've been kissed in the rain.
ღ I've had sex outdoors.
ღ I've hugged a stranger.
ღ I have kissed a stranger.
ღ I have had sex with a stranger.

honesty/crime
ღ I've done something I promised someone else I wouldn't.
ღ I have lied to my parents about where I am.
ღ I am keeping a secret from the world.
ღ I've cheated while playing a video game.
ღ I've cheated on a test.
ღ I've driven through a red light.
ღ I've been suspended from school.
ღ I've witnessed a crime.
ღ I've been in a fist fight.
ღ I've been arrested.
ღ I've shoplifted.

drugs/alcohol
ღ I've consumed alcohol.
ღ I have/do smoked cigarettes.
ღ I have/do smoked pot.
ღ I regularly drink.
ღ I've taken painkillers when I didn't need them.
ღ I take cough medication when I'm not sick.
ღ I've done hard drugs.
ღ I've been addicted to an illegal substance.
ღ I can't swallow pills.
ღ I can swallow about five pills at a time no problem.

random
ღ I can sing well.
ღ I've stolen a tray from a fast food restaurant.
ღ I open up to others too easily.
ღ I watch the news.
ღ I don't kill bugs.
ღ I hate hearing songs that sacrifice meaning for sake of being able to rhyme.
ღ I fucking swear regularly.
ღ I sing in the shower.
ღ I am a morning person.
ღ I paid for my mobile phone ring tone.
ღ I'm a snob about grammar.
ღ I am a sports fanatic.
ღ I play with my hair.
ღ I have/had "x"s in my screen name.
ღ I love being neat.
ღ I love spam.
ღ I've copied more than 30 cds in a day.
ღ I bake well.
ღ My favorite color is either white, yellow, pink, red or blue.
ღ I don't know how to shoot a gun.
ღ I am in love with love.
ღ I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
ღ I laugh at my own jokes.
ღ I eat fast food weekly.
ღ I believe in ghosts.
ღ I am online 24/7, even as an away message.
ღ I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
ღ I am really ticklish.
ღ I love white chocolate.
ღ I bite my nails.
ღ I play video games.
ღ I'm good at remembering faces.
ღ I'm good at remembering names.
ღ I'm good at remembering dates.
ღ I have no idea what I want to do for the rest of my life.
ღ My answers are totally honest.

Anime I've seen Meme

Tue, 26 Aug 2008 01:25:18 GMT

I. Action and Adventure
( ) .hack//SIGN
( ) Airmaster
( ) Battle Arena Toshinden
(x) Bleach
( ) Blood+
( ) Burst Angel
( ) City Hunter
(x) Cowboy Bebop
(x) Dragonball (any)
( ) Flame of Recca
( ) GetBackers
(x) Inu Yasha
(x) Lupin III (any)
( ) Mai-HiME
(x) Naruto
(x) One Piece
( ) Tenjou Tenge
(x) Trigun
( ) Saiyuki
( ) Yu Yu Hakusho

Total Here: 08/20

II. Comedy and Parody
(x) 2×2 = Shinobuden
( ) Adventures of the Mini Goddesses
( ) All Purpose Cultural Catgirl Nuku Nuku
(x) Azumanga Daioh
( ) Bokusatsu Tenshi Dokuro-chan
(x) Di Gi Charat
(x) Dragon Half
( ) Excel Saga
(x) Fruits Basket
( ) Galaxy Angel
( ) Here is Greenwood
( ) Kodomo no Omocha
( ) Kyou Kara Maou!
(x) Midori Days
( ) Pani Poni Dash
( ) Project A-ko
(x) Ranma 1/2
( ) Tenchi Muyo
( ) Those Who Hunt Elves
( ) Urusei Yatsura

Total Here: 07/20

III. Drama and Miscellaneous
( ) Beck
( ) Full Moon wo Sagashite
( ) Gankutsuou
( ) Genshiken
( ) Glass Mask (original or new)
( ) Haibane Renmei
( ) Hitsuji no Uta
( ) Honey & Clover
( ) Kaleido Star
(x) Last Exile
( ) Le Portraite de Petite Cossette
(x) Monster
( ) Paradise Kiss
(x) Princess Mononoke
( ) Read or Die OVA
( ) Speed Grapher
( ) Twin Spica
( ) Weiss Kreuz
( ) Wings of Honneamise
( ) Yakitate!! Japan

Total Here: 3/20

IV. Ecchi/Mature
( ) Agent Aika
( ) Cutey Honey
( ) Ebichu
( ) Golden Boy
( ) Grenadier
( ) Hand Maid May
( ) He Is My Master
( ) Iketeru Futari
( ) La Blue Girl
( ) Lingerie Senshi Papillon Rose
( ) Mahoromatic
( ) Mezzo Forte
(x) Miyuki-chan in Wonderland
( ) My Dear Marie
( ) Najica Blitz Tactics
( ) Negima
( ) Puni Puni Poemy
( ) Urotsukidoji: Legend of the Overfiend
( ) Wicked City
( ) Yumeria

Total Here: 1/20

V. Fantasy and Supernatural
( ) Angel Sanctuary
( ) Aquarian Age
(x) Berserk
( ) El Hazard
( ) Final Fantasy Unlimited
(x) Fullmetal Alchemist
(x) Howl’s Moving Castle
( ) Magic Knight Rayearth
( ) Mushishi
( ) Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind
( ) Record of Lodoss War
( ) Scrapped Princess
(x) Slayers
( ) Tales of Eternia
( ) Trinity Blood
(x) Tsubasa Chronicle
( ) Vampire Hunter D
( ) Violinist of Hameln
( ) Vision of Escaflowne
( ) X: TV

Total Here: 05/20

VI. Historical and Alternate History
( ) Anne of Green Gables
( ) Basilisk
( ) Barefoot Gen
(x) Chrono Crusade
( ) Grave of the Fireflies
( ) Fire Tripper
( ) Kaidomaru
( ) Legend of Condor Hero
( ) Millennium Actress
( ) Nadia - Secret of Blue Water
( ) Ninja Scroll
( ) Otogizoushi
( ) Peacemaker Kurogane
( ) Porco Rosso
( ) Rose of Versailles
( ) Rurouni Kenshin
( ) Samurai 7
( ) Samurai Champloo
( ) Steel Angel Kurumi
( ) Victorian Romance Emma

Total Here: 01/20

VII. Kids and Family
( ) Angelic Layer
( ) Astro Boy
( ) Beyblade
( ) Castle in the Sky
( ) Detective Conan
(x) Digimon
( ) Doraemon
(x) Hamtaro
( ) Kiki’s Delivery Service
( ) Kimba the White Lion
( ) Monster Rancher
( ) My Neighbor Totoro
(x) Pokemon
( ) Samurai Pizza Cats
( ) Sazae-san
( ) SD Gundam Force
( ) Sonic X
( ) Speed Racer
(x) Spirited Away
( ) Yu-Gi-Oh

Total Here: 04/20

VIII. Magical Girls and Boys
(x) Cardcaptor Sakura
(x) DNAngel
( ) Earth Girl Arjuna
( ) Erementar Gerad
( ) Hime-chan no Ribbon
( ) Kamikaze Kaitou Jeanne
( ) Magic Users Club
( ) Magical Girl Pretty Sammy
( ) Magical Stage Fancy La La
( ) Mahou no Star Magical Emi
( ) Mahou Shoujo Lyrical Nanoha
( ) Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
( ) Ojamajou DoReMi
( ) Oku-sama wa Mahou Shoujo
( ) Pretear
(x) Sailor Moon
( ) Saint Tail
( ) Tokyo Mew Mew
( ) Ultra Maniac
( ) Wedding Peach

Total Here: 03/20

IX. Romance
( ) Ah! My Goddess
( ) Ai Yori Aoshi
( ) Air
( ) Ayashi no Ceres
( ) Boys Be
(x) Chobits
( ) Fushigi Yuugi
( ) Hana Yori Dango
(x) His and Her Circumstances
( ) Kimagure Orange Road
(x) Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
( ) Love Hina
( ) Maison Ikkoku
( ) Marmalade Boy
( ) Peach Girl
( ) Piano
( ) Please Teacher!
( ) SaiKano
( ) To Heart
( ) Video Girl Ai

Total Here: 03/20

X. Science-Fiction
( ) Appleseed
( ) Blue Seed
( ) Bubblegum Crisis
( ) Crest of the Stars
( ) Galaxy Express 999
( ) Gundam (any)
( ) Macross (any)
( ) Outlaw Star
( ) Patlabor
( ) Planetes
( ) Please Save My Earth
(x) RahXephon
( ) Saber Marionette (any)
( ) s-CRY-ed
( ) Soukyuu no Fafner
( ) Space Battleship Yamato (aka Star Blazers)
( ) Stellvia
( ) Transformers (any)
( ) Voices of a Distant Star
( ) Xenosaga: The Animation

Total Here: 01/20

XI. Shounen-Ai and Shoujo-Ai
( ) Ai no Kusabi
( ) Descendants of Darkness (Yami no Matsuei)
( ) Earthian
( ) Fake
( ) Fish in the Trap
( ) Galaxy Fraulin Yuna
( ) Gravitation
( ) Haru wo Daiteita
( ) Kannazuki no Miko
( ) Kizuna
( ) Lesson XX
(x) Loveless
( ) Maria-sama ga Miteru
( ) Mirage of Blaze
( ) Oniisama E
( ) Seikimatsu Darling
( ) Song of the Wind in the Trees
( ) Sukisho
( ) Yami to Boushi to Hon no Tabibito
( ) Zetsuai/Bronze

Total Here: 1/20

XII. Sports
( ) Ace wo Nerae
( ) Ashita no Joe
( ) Ayane’s High Kick
( ) Baki the Grappler
( ) Battle Athletes
( ) Buzzer Beater
( ) Captain Tsubasa
( ) Eyeshield 21
( ) Ginban Kaleidoscope
( ) Hajime no Ippo
( ) Hikaru no Go
( ) Initial D
( ) Major
( ) Monkey Turn
( ) One Pound Gospel
( ) Prince of Tennis
( ) Princess Nine
( ) Slam Dunk
( ) Suzuka
( ) Wild Striker

Total Here: 0/20 (lol)

XIII. Surreal and Psychological
(x) Akira
( ) Betterman
(x) Boogiepop Phantom
(x) Elfen Lied
(x) FLCL
( ) Gantz
(x) Ghost in the Shell (movie or TV)
(x) Hellsing
( ) Jigoku Shoujo
( ) Karas
( ) Madlax
( ) Melody of Oblivion
(x) Neon Genesis Evangelion
( ) Noir
( ) Paranoia Agent
( ) Perfect Blue
( ) Princess Tutu
( ) Revolutionary Girl Utena
( ) Serial Experiments Lain
( ) Texhnolyze
(x) Higurashi

Total Here: 08/20

Out of those it seems like I haven't watched very much anime at all.. but I have! So I'm going to put down a list of what I've seen.

2x2 Shinobuden
Akira
Azumanga Daioh
Berzerk
Baccano!
Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon (All seasons, All movies)
Black Cat
Bleach
Boogiepop Phantom
Chobits
Chrono Crusade
Claymore
Code Geass: Lelouch of the Rebellion (seasons 1 and all that is out of 2)
Cowboy Bebop
D.Gray-man
D.N.Angel
Death Note
Digimon
Di Gi Charat
Dragonhalf
Dragon Ball Z
Elfen Lied
Evangelion
Fate/stay night
FLCL
Fruits Basket
Fullmetal Alchemist
Ghost in the Shell (movie)
Hamtaro
Hellsing (TV)
Hellsing (OAV)
Higurashi no Naku Koroni
His and Her Circumstances
Howl's Moving Castle
Inuyasha
Jungle Wa Itsumo Hale Nochi Guu
Kara no Kyoukai (3 out of 7 movies)
Kimi ga Nozomu Eien
Kino no Tabi (or Kino's Journey)
Last Exile
Loveless
Lupin III
Majin Tantei Nōgami Neuro
Midori Days
Miyuki-chan In Wonderland
Nadesico
Naruto
One Piece
Ouran High School Host Club
Paprika (movie)
Pokemon
RahXephon
Ranma ½
Rozen Maiden
Samurai X: Trust & Betrayal
School Rumble
Shaman King
Slayers (All seasons)
Spirited Away
Tales of Symphonia
Tengen Toppa Gurren Lagann
Trigun
Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
X (movie)

If you have any recommendations, please let me know!

Pictures of my nose (and ears)

Thu, 21 Aug 2008 23:23:51 GMT

As promised. What do ya guys think?! :)

So I got...

Wed, 20 Aug 2008 06:21:25 GMT

My nose pierced today.

...Yep.

My Feelings on The Dark Knight..

Sat, 19 Jul 2008 21:15:19 GMT

I thought Iron Man was going to be my favorite movie of the year.. boy howdy was I wrong.

The joker. I think I said 'oh my God' to myself 4 or 5 times almost every time he was on screen. I loved how he changed the story of how he got the scars. I think my favorite Joker moment was when he appears the second time and says that he can perform magic. "Watch this pencil... disappear!" and then he impales a guy's forehead with it and the guy falls on the ground. "Ta-da! It's gone!" hahaha.

What I really loved seeing in the Joker was the deterioration of his make up. To me it sort of resembled the deterioration of any strand of humanity he might have had left. It was great of him to lie to Harvey. To say that he wasn't a schemer. To say that none of his plans are thought out, it's just that easy to cause panic and chaos. I loved it when he was laughing as he was falling from the building at the end. At first I thought it was just because he's a psychotic bastard, but then I looked deeper into it. I think he was laughing because if he was let to fall to his death, he would have won. He would have made Batman break his one rule.

heeehee.. I get chills just thinking about the movie again. I'd definitely go see it again.. and definitely want to own it when it's out on DvD. That hour and 30 min wait in line was well worth it, even though these blonde bitches bought their tickets as soon as we were all being let in and cut infront of most of us. Caleb was so angry he said "Hey!" and got their attention.. and then proceeded to call them a bunch of faggots for what they did. It definitely was a dick move. But anyways.. the movie made me forget about that stuff.

......

Thu, 03 Jul 2008 14:36:50 GMT

Weird how a kid's movie can cause so much emotion..

EscapingNowhere (6:44:53 AM): I was watching Land Before Time today
EscapingNowhere (6:45:24 AM): so I was just remembering what little foot said when his mom was dying and remembering how i feel/felt and i just cried
EscapingNowhere (6:45:44 AM): "What do you mean? We're always going to be together! Get up!"
EscapingNowhere (6:46:09 AM): not excepting that she could no longer get up.. and that she was going to die
EscapingNowhere (6:46:15 AM): not understanding death or loss
EscapingNowhere (6:46:21 AM): I was like that too.. completely
EscapingNowhere (6:46:45 AM): accepting*
EscapingNowhere (6:47:07 AM): there were so many times i thought i was prepared
EscapingNowhere (6:47:20 AM): so many times i thought that i would be okay
EscapingNowhere (6:47:30 AM): but when that time came, i was anything but either of those
EscapingNowhere (6:47:34 AM): and i was hysterical
EscapingNowhere (6:48:13 AM): and when Little foot was talking to the lizard later and said that he was angry
EscapingNowhere (6:48:18 AM): that it was her fault that she died
EscapingNowhere (6:48:23 AM): her fault that she was gone
EscapingNowhere (6:48:26 AM): and I felt that way too
EscapingNowhere (6:48:31 AM): i was angry at my mother
EscapingNowhere (6:48:42 AM): i remembered being 6...7...8... begging her to stop smoking
EscapingNowhere (6:48:55 AM): and she never saw the reason behind those tears until it was too late
EscapingNowhere (6:49:05 AM): until she realized that we were going to lose eachother
EscapingNowhere (6:49:18 AM): and how alone i would be when she's gone
EscapingNowhere (6:50:30 AM): it always baffled me though... because sometimes she'd just sit beside me and i'd wake up. And she'd caress my forehead lightly and tears would be in her eyes. Even before she got sick she would cry. I'd ask why.. and she'd tell me she missed her mother
EscapingNowhere (6:51:23 AM): and i find myself angry yet again. she knew her own pain of not having her mother, eventhough she had 2 siblings to fall back on. She knew how it felt.. and she mourned even still. Yet.. why didn't she love me enough to stop smoking?
EscapingNowhere (6:51:39 AM): why didn't she love me enough to see that i had nobody but her?
EscapingNowhere (6:51:51 AM): Addiction is so terrible
****************(6:52:00 AM): She probably thought the smoking wouldn't catch up to her.
EscapingNowhere (6:52:05 AM): yeah, that's part of it
EscapingNowhere (6:52:13 AM): the "it won't happen to me" mentality
EscapingNowhere (6:52:27 AM): but even when i was 6... i knew that it would
EscapingNowhere (6:53:08 AM): i remember when i started adding. I knew she was 28 years older than me and i remember saying "omg when i'm 30 you're going to be 58!" and she would go "omg i'll be so old and i'll hate it!"
EscapingNowhere (6:53:15 AM): but she didn't even live to see me hit 20
EscapingNowhere (6:53:42 AM): we plan and plan.. but there's no guarentee what we'll actually be able to accomplish
EscapingNowhere (6:55:05 AM): i also remember before we got kicked out of my uncle's... i think that's when my mom hit rock bottom. it's why we had to move in with charlene in the first place. She took 18 pain killers in a fucking day. When my uncle yelled and asked her why.. she said "I don't care if i die". And it hurts me that she got her wish.

Sorry but I had to get that out. I feel really terrible.

Update on my Grandma

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:37:10 GMT

...So far, things are optimistic as far as getting the cancer out.

They said that she had had a mass in her left breast for a couple of years but it has been benign until now. I sit here wondering why they would let her keep the tumor in her body for all of that time but what I'm concerned about is the now.. I can't do anything about the 2 years of not doing anything.

Assuming that it turned malignant recently then I don't think that it has had time to spread. If it hasn't spread at all, that would be grand.

Either way, my grandma is going to have a double mastectomy to get rid of both breasts to lessen her chances of it spreading or coming back. I hope they can get it out and keep it out.

Wed, 18 Jun 2008 19:03:31 GMT

Finally got internet at the new place so that's some good news..

but the bad news is I just found out the other day that my grandma has breast cancer. I'm hoping that it's an early stage and can be removed easily. If not... well... I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 23:36:27 GMT

..So before I left LA, I decided to get the stretcher things for my ears. I went ahead and got 14s 16s and 12s so I won't have to o back there for awhile. The 14ss went in easy sauce so I'll probably move a size tomorrow and then see how that goes. They're not gonna be GIGANTIC but they'll be a good size.

I'll be in my new apartment soon!
Wee! i'm excited.

Room mate from Hell.

Wed, 28 May 2008 20:11:04 GMT

I'm so ready for all this shit to be over... I want to be in my new apartment already! Well.. Caleb got to graduate with his BA in Psychology on the 24th so that was really nice to be there. I was so happy for him and proud of him. I don't know if I've explained the situation at my house but I think I will now because I really need to vent.

Now that I look back, I did briefly discuss who we were kicking out and why, but now I'm going to vent about further things said person has done to really piss me off. Basically he was in charge of paying all the utilities and stuff and didn't. A month after I moved in, we changed the system so he wouldn't be in charge because we kept getting all these late notices and shut-off threats. He got really angry at this. So much that he was crying. Why? Because he was caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Anyway, we all decided that because of this, he was going to be kicked out. When we first found the bills there were only 2 of them. We brought it up with him and said, "Now.. if there are any more please tell us so that we can prepare and know what's going on."

He replied, "No, there shouldn't be any more. We asked him to check and he said he would but he didn't. We then said that if he's telling us there isn't but we find out that there is, we'd move the date. We found three more bills hidden from us is all of the shit from his room. He tried to hide the bills so that we wouldn't move the date. We ended up saying he had to move out the 7th. Mind you, this wouldn't be as bad (i guess) if he was just screwing over himself but actually the electricity was on his "best friend" Cameron's credit. We gave him until the 7th to move out.. it is now the 28th when we're trying to get all of our shit out and everything painted over and the carpet cleaned and he still has HEAPS OF SHIT HERE. It is SO fucking frustrating that he put on this fake show of "Aww if you guys need anything at all.. any of my help just let me know" but he hasn't lifted one fucking finger to help out with the house when he's the one that has made most of the mess.

I hate so fake and deceiving he is. He's promised the past couple of weeks that he would be here to finish up yet he keeps lying to us over, and over, and over. Yesterday I just had to vent (physically) so I found a book he gave me for Christmas, symbolised it as what little of friendship we had and I burned it. After that, I took the piece of shit shelf he left for me as a gift because he was too lazy to haul it away, and I got a metal pole type thing and I just destroyed it. I'm so fucking done with all of this.. I think the last time I was this upset was at my Uncles. I want to be gone already.. I want it to be over. I want to never ever see his ugly fat scene kid face again. He's fucking 24 and he's moving back in with his parents and THEY THINK that we're the meanie heads and he just has to move because we're causing oh so much drama! So not only has he done all this shit to us, but he's convinced himself that HE is the VICTIM!

I have not met someone so dumb, fake, smelly, absent-minded, and selfish as him. I try not to hate people.. I really do. But I can say that from the depths of my heart I HATE HIM. And on top of all this, we have to still find 2 more room mates for our apartment by July or we're going to be paying $566 a month instead of $340. AAAGH.

Fri, 23 May 2008 06:56:48 GMT

Running out of options

running out of time

Pinkberry

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 18:34:38 GMT

Oh my God, I approve

go there. nao.

...

Thu, 24 Apr 2008 04:13:20 GMT

Please do not stand by my grave and weep. I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am the thousand winds that blow. I am the diamond glint in the snow.

I am the sunlight in the ripened grain. I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awake in the morning hush, I am the swift uplifting rush...of quiet birds in circle flight.

I am the soft starshine at night.

Do not stand by my grave and cry...

I am not there. I did not die.

Author Unknown

From "Just a breath away"

Sun, 20 Apr 2008 04:38:17 GMT

My Personality


Neuroticism	69
Extraversion	15
Openness to Experience	19
Agreeableness	53
Conscientiousness	22

You don't usually get angry too easily but some things can annoy you, however you are sensitive about what others think of you. Your concern about rejection and ridicule cause you to feel shy and uncomfortable around others. You are easily embarrassed and often feel ashamed. Your fears that others will criticize or make fun of you are exaggerated and unrealistic, but your awkwardness and discomfort may make these fears a self-fulfilling prophecy. You tend not to talk much and prefer to let others control the activities of groups. You prefer the security and stability brought by conformity to tradition. You are tenderhearted and compassionate, feeling the pain of others vicariously and are easily moved to pity, however you are not adverse to confrontation and will sometimes even intimidate others to get your own way. You take your time when making decisions and will deliberate on all the possible consequences and alternatives.

Take a Personality Test now or view the full Personality Report.

The best Buying Pet Gifts.

Ugh..

Sat, 19 Apr 2008 00:12:05 GMT

Yeah so we're kicking a house mate out and he has to leave by the end of may. End of May isn't soon enough for me but I guess I don't have much of a sense of giving mercy.. especially when none has been given to me in carrying out the responsibility of paying the bills he was supposed to be paying. I mean.. where the fuck did our money go? That's what I want to know.

Ugh I'm so angry

Close your eyes and I'll kiss you -- Tomorrow I'll miss you

Sun, 06 Apr 2008 21:22:18 GMT

So I was up until 5:00am this morning talking to my house mates. It felt good because there was a lot that I needed to get out. Things that a person in particular has been doing that really made me upset. So now that that's all out I'm feeling a lot better. I love it here in La Mirada but finding a job has been so hard and our economy is only getting worse.

I know I could probably get a job fast at a fast food place but I really don't want that. Not even as a last resort. Worst case scenario I'll either have to move back to Temecula or I'll have to take more money out of my CD savings account once its matured in June. But the good news is that Caleb's going to start looking for a job to have this year as well and we decided that by the time he graduates may 24th this year, we'll set a wedding date. I'm hoping it will be sometime in 2009 but we'll see.

I've filled out apps upon apps so I guess my next step will be to call all the places I apped to and inquire the status of my app.. and see if I even have a chance of being hired. I was thinking of calling St Jude's or City of Hope to see if the have any entry level things open like secratarial (sp?) work or whatever. Gotta try everything that I can. I went out and painted. I'm not exactly 100% pleased with how it came out but it still looks alright. From March 29th to Mothers' Day it's going to be really hard for me but I'm hanging in there the best that I can. If all else fails in the job department I'm still going to find a school up here that I want to go to so I can feel like I'm being productive.

Ah well.. not much else to say. Just gonna keep hanging in there and trying my best.

COLORED!!

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 08:22:14 GMT

took me awhile.. i didn't use any layers or anything and used OpenCanvas

*hand withers away*

Fri, 04 Apr 2008 01:37:21 GMT

I drawed~

it's tilted but it's the best thing i've drawn in awhile.. lawl ~_~

For my painting:

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 05:46:15 GMT

lemme know what you think, if you read this journal.

2 years..

Sat, 29 Mar 2008 01:53:09 GMT

Tomorrow will be 2 years since my mom died. I'm leaving back to caleb's parents' house tonight.. maybe I'll paint something.

Still missing you everyday, Mom